This session emphasizes the importance of recognizing the individuality of each child and how each child in a family is different from the other(s). This speaks to the majesty and wonder of God.
First born children are often groomed for success. They are often leaders who learn to dominate their surroundings because they go unchallenged within the first few years of life. Of the first 23 astronauts in space, 21 were first children. The other two were "only" children.
When the second child is born, it is wise to ease the fears of the firstborn (who is now having to share a world they dominated only days before) by emphasizing everything he/she can do that the new baby can't. And how special it makes the firstborn. It is important to give the first child new "big boy/girl" responsibilities and affirm the older child. This same method can be used throughout their childhood as they become more mature and can take on new responsibilities in the family.
Middle children often dance to the beat of their own drummer and are more likely to be strong-willed and rebellious. They have a tendency to be entrepreneurs and successful business people.
The last born child tends to go through life looking up! He must figure out how to get attention over and above the shenanigans of the older children. He is likely to be the most social of the bunch. Younger children are often great salespeople and comedians who capitalize on their ability to entertain and make people laugh.
It is important not to treat all of your kids the same. Life treats people differently according to where they are in the progression of life -- as parents we should not be afraid to treat our kids differently concerning bed times, allowances, responsibilities, etc...
It is important to point out to children that God has a plan that is specific to each of us. Also, because God created each child differently, we should show absolutely no favoritism to which one happens to be the smartest, best athlete or most attractive, etc...
The following factors can greatly affect birth order:
-Sex of child -- If the second child is a boy, they will often have characteristics of the first born.
-Physical Characteristics -- If younger children are physically taller or bigger that the older, the older child may submit to the leadership of the younger.
-Critical Eye -- Parents with an overly critical eye may wind up with a child that is unreliable, unconscientious, or a slob. Why? Because he is so afraid to be criticized that he never finishes a task in order to avoid the criticism. He goes through life putting himself down.
Our goal is not to raise a perfect kid. We do not want to raise perfectionists, but rather pursuers of excellence. Perfectionism is an illusion -- we are doomed to fail -- but those who pursue excellence have high standards and can pick themselves up when they fall. Ask yourself which one you are -- a pursuer of excellence can handle criticism and is open to suggestions. A perfectionist feels threatened and often lashes out or shuts down when criticized.
Here are some things to know to raise that rock-solid kid:
First born - needs specifics, don't treat them like they are older than they actually are, do not over-correct or micro-manage, don't use "should" phrases -- you should do this, that, etc...
Middle child - need to be listened to! Ask their opinion about anything! Take two-on-one time with them.
Baby of the family - Give them the opportunity to lead in family outings or celebrations. Give them affirmation. Enjoy their unique social skills. Laugh with them and not at them.
Only children - Don't let these kids get too far ahead of themselves since they are often treated like adults by the time they are 7 or 8.
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