Kevin Leman Picture Books for Kids

Dr. Leman referred to a series of picture books that he wrote and his son illustrated about a child's place in the family.  Here are some of the titles:

• My Firstborn, There is No One Like You
• My Middle Child, There is No One Like You
• My Grandchild, There is No One Like You
• My Adopted Child, There is No One Like You
• etc.

Here is a link if you want to see what those books look like on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Middle-Child-Theres-Birth-Order/dp/0800718305/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361132135&sr=1-1&keywords=kevin+lehman+books

Recap of Session 4: Ten Ways to Improve Your Child's Self-Confidence

Key Scripture: The Lord gave me a message.  He said, "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesman to the world.  "O Sovereign Lord!"  I said, "I can't speak for you!  I am too young!"  "Don't say that, " the Lord replied, "for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don't be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and take care of you.  I, the Lord, have spoken!"  Jeremiah 1:4-7

Think about that scripture in terms of God appointing you as His spokesman to your children, your insecurity in taking on that role, and His assurance that He will guide you.

1. Bless them (encourage them, show them you are confident in their life's purpose)

2. Teach them to contribute (chores, ideas, etc... and then acknowledge what they've done)

3. Teach them to think, reason and make decisions.

4. Be available to them.

5. Talk to them (Teach them that they can talk to you about anything.  And don't overdo your talking to them so that they become bored with you and tune you out.  Don't talk just to hear yourself speak.)

6. Teach them to achieve something, be productive, responsible, and get good results (learning to babysit, help with the yard, complete a girl/boy scout project, volunteer in the community)

7. Help them understand that God has a plan and purpose for their life. (As a believer in Christ, they are never walking alone.)

8. Make sure they know you enjoy being around them.

9. Make sure they know that you love your spouse. (If you are single, show that love in your friendships and with other family members.)

10. Believe in them.  (Give them space to fail as well as succeed.  By allowing them to fail, when appropriate, you show that you still believe in their eventual success.)

ABCs of raising a child:
A: Accept them for who they are.
B: Belong -- make sure they know they belong to your family.
C: Confidence -- give them confidence (see 10 points above!)

Recap of Session 2: How to Listen So Kids Will Talk and Talk So Kids Will Listen

Key Scripture: Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those that hear them.  Ephesians 4:29

1. Talk to your kids -- a lot!  About anything!  Especially about the things they are interested in.

2. Learn the difference between responding and reacting.
Positive responses:

• I'm open to that.
• That's an interesting idea.
• That has possibilities.
• You're doing some good thinking.
• Sounds like you've given this a lot of thought
• Let's look at some more options.
• I'm sure you've got some good reasons for thinking that way.
• Many, many more in the chapter for this session

Negative responses (shuts a child down -- inhibits parent/child communication):

• Be quiet and listen!
• No! No! No!
• It won't work!
• I don't want to hear any more about this!
• Do you ever learn?
• I told you so!
• Many, many more in the chapter for this session

3. Realize that your tone of voice is a reflection of your attitude.

4. Let your communication be non-threatening (A threatening tone shone shows your insecurity, frustration and uncertainty.  Non-threatening tone shows you are comfortable with your position of authority).

5. Speak more in statements rather than questions.  (Questions often suggest a hierarchy.  Instead of "How did you do on your test?"  you could say  "I bet that test was tough today."

6. Have a "Yes" face.

7. Collaborate and exchange ideas and observations.

8. Always project an "I am open to you" attitude.

Stay tuned into them so they don't tune you out!

Recap of Session 1: The Ten Best Gifts You'll Ever Give Your Kids

Key Scripture: Train UP a child in the way HE should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Dr. Leman emphasized talking UP to your child rather than talking down to your child.  Also, being mindful of his uniqueness, the child God created him to be, rather than the child you think he should be.

1. Give them safety and security.
2. Give them love.
3. Give them attention.
4. Give them space.
5. Give them an example.
6. Give them direction.
7. Give them boundaries.
8. Give them responsibility (Make sure they are helping out at home.  Are you doing everything for them?  Do they live in a home or a hotel?)
9. Give them discipline (not punishment, necessarily -- but discipline.  See Lesson 3.)
10. Give them Biblical instruction.

Dr. Leman believes that if any one of these is left out of the equation, your child will be incomplete in some way.  He says, "If you want your kid to WIN, give them all 10!"

How to Tame a Testy Child -- from NPR

This morning I heard a good story on NPR about dealing with conflict with your kids.  The story pertains to teenagers but I found that I can use some of these techniques with my 6 and 9 year old, too.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/02/11/171466505/how-parents-can-learn-to-tame-a-testy-teenager

Ten Commandments to Guide Parents

Dr. Leman read these 10 Commandments to Guide Parents this morning on the video and I thought they were worth posting:

1.My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I`m only little for a short time-please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs. Don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn`t want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.

5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I`ll be prepared to make the kinds of decisions life requires of me.

8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn`t quite measure up to your expectations. I know it`s hard, but please don`t try to compare me with my brother or my sister.

9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it`s a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

10. Please take me to Sunday school and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Recap of Session 3: Discipline Isn't Spelled P-U-N-I-S-H-M-E-N-T

Here are Dr. Leman's key points from Sunday's (2/10) class:

Key Scripture: If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them." Proverbs 13:24

Key Points:
1. Consider discipline a privilege not a chore.  What could be better than having the opportunity to to give your kids direction, teach them a valuable lesson that can help them avoid some long range disaster, or that will contribute to their character development.

2. Keep the highest form of discipline your goal: self-discipline. As soon as possible, encourage them to set their alarm clocks, get up on time, dress themselves, be at the table on time, feed the fish, do their homework, etc... Don't sidetrack them on the road to independence by doing everything for them.

3.  Use discipline to enable. Doing too much and giving too much to kids does not enable them, it disables them.

4.  Use discipline for correction. With discipline, you emphasize the positive lessons to be learned along with corrective measures to help the child learn, without attacking or belittling them.

Another point that really stuck with me: if my child doesn't feel safe and accepted in our home, they will look for that acceptance in their peer group -- therefore, I must handle discipline in a way that allows my child to feel safe, accepted and loved.  Also, families need to have fun!

What did you take away from the lesson?  If you use any of these this week, please share!